COMING TO THE END

 

 

 

When a story is about the end, I always forget that a new one is about to start.

Far away from everything I was used to, in this incredible place I wasn’t aware how the time flew…

I realized it when it came to the end.  My story is not ending yet, but the monster called time started to hurt me…

First few days, when I missed my life, was scared of bug sand hungry I was counting the days. 59-58-57-23….

When Shreeram went to Kathmandu to pick up the new volunteer I realized my time was over. Going is always good but what you leave behind breaks your heart…

I am not a a kind of person who gets friendly with people very fast.  I am pretty sure people though I was a kind of a snob the first days, maybe a little cold.  I tend to run away when I can’t explain myself or cannot find anything to say.  My existence has to make sense where ever I am. I have to make a difference, say something, and teach something.  I have to tell them a story they never heard before. They should listen to me and be fascinated.  My content should be interesting.  I should start a new subject in a conversation if I can’t contribute to the current one.  My words shouldn’t hang in the air, my existence shouldn’t float but stand strong, everybody has to know that I am there.  Even is they can’t understand the language they should want to listen.  It is arrogant in a way, the need to prove yourself, to be accepted and to be liked. But it is in us all.

 

The first days I had nothing to contribute so I went to my room, listen to music and read.  3 weeks left to leave I became all me…  We played card games, watched TV, discussed the world map, politics…  They understood later that my staying away is not my arrogance, not because I thought I was better, in the contrary because I thought I was not enough.

Shreeram was going to meet Macarena in Kathmandu and they were going to come the next day.  So when they knocked on my door that night I was surprised.  There was going to be a strike next day so they came as soon as they could.   We met with Macarena still sleep in my eyes.  Where was Chile, where was Turkey and we had cigarettes, the friendship was instant.  She had graduated from industrial design engineering and wanted to take a break before going on with her life. So she ended up in Nepal.  Nothing would be the same when she goes back.  Some doors you cannot close back. You cannot unlearn what you have learned.

 

Next day I took her to class. She had a mini dress. My crazy and funny students instantly disliked her because of that.  They said her dress is short!  I told them, whether you like her or not she will be here after I am gone. And I taught them the word gossip, I said when you tal about someone behind their back that is gossip.  And if I see anyone gossiping about someone I can definitely say they gossip about me when I am not there.  They laughed. 

We drank coffee that Macarena brought with and we told each other anything you can tell someone you recently met.  First everything was between the lines.  See I am married and this is my husband, this is a wedding photo and  we live in  a big house, he has a restaurant this is his family and they are so nice to me and etc.  Life is great and that kind of shit.

Of course things she has to be careful with when she is here.  You know from the blog that we have a well outside in the yard and I take a bath there. I never thought of heating the water up or I never thought of taking the other mattress from the extra bed to make my bed softer.  I came here to accept the circumstances not to change them.  I adopted, I was happy with them.

Macarena stayed in Shreeram’s brother’s house next to ours.  They have a closed bathroom with a shower.  They have tank on top of the bathroom and the water gets warm by the sun.  She said I could use the shower if I wanted to but I didn’t. I liked my well…

When the monsoon started our well was filled up and with the help of a electric pump they filled a tank on top of our bathroom, that I never knew was there, so the shower in our bathroom was also available.  I took one shower there and told them I will keep using the well. They laughed at me. But they also never used the shower.

There is a city nearby, Pokhara. It is 6 hours with a bus drive.  I wanted to see that city very much.  I was planning to travel a little before I left Nepal. But when we talked with Macarena we decided we wanted to go to Pokhara together. We told Sarita to come with us so we would be just the girls, but she said she wouldn’t go without her husband.  We were a little shocked but cultural differences might seem odd at first but we all have them.  You don’t judge them just like personal differences.  You can accept it or not, that’s  your problem after all.

 

 

That made me think what if everybody were the same.  What if there were no different cultures, religions, colours, dreams.  The world would be odd.  Unbearable.  If we all dressed the same, ate the same, believed in the same thing, looked the same… Who would ever want that??

But seeing all the wars, racism, the endless hate in people, and endless suffering some have to go through I can say there are unfortunately people who would want that.

Is there anything more horrible and arrogant than trying to make everybody like yourself?

Unfortunately there is always a race or a community that one race or community looks down on.  That’s basically our only difference from animals. We discriminate willingly, consciously, understanding and sculpting it into literary, philosophical and religious forms.  Animals just do it instinctively.

They are better than us… Way better.