We always look for something. But what we find is never enough. We keep searching. The purpose is not the thing to be found, but
the search itself. We search not to be
lost. We search to be found. We search not to be found.
We look for small things, things that are
easily found. Friendship, passion, home,
money… But these things just divert us from the real purpose. In truth we look for things that are not to
be found. Peace, endless love, a
soulmate, purpose of life, the big savior… We look for things that we are
certain we can’t find so the search never ends.
And we keep searching…
Silently looking at the mountain tops buried
in the darkness that wrap the rice fields that surround my being, a frog jumps
over my foot. I wish I was looking for that frog. It would have been so easy. But I never looked for anything that could be
found either. And I never wanted to find
it. I am glad I haven’t yet, keep the
search…
Friday night, Julie, Daddo and Bhim came
for dinner. They brought 2 bottles of homemade
raksi, buffalo killer. We ate chicken
for a change. Chicken or goat meat is only eaten once a week or if there are guests. They stir-fry the meat with masala and it tastes incredibly
good. The masala is also handmade; cumin, coriander, fennel seeds, white pepper, cinnamon,
cardamom and red hot chili peppers are crashed with a stone on a stone to very
small bits. It is hot but very tasty.
The power was gone, which happens very
often in the evenings, so we ate on the mat on floor. Candles were lit. The kids cleaned up after their dinner and
got shawls from inside and started dancing in the patio. We sang and they danced. We
were zipping our warm raksis on the side. Sarita hates cigarettes but guests
are allowed to to what they please. We
are from another culture so for Nepali it doesn’t matter what we do. They
accept it. This is a beautiful way to
look at the world. I wish everybody
would be concerned about their own sins instead of budding into others.
Julie and Dadoo came from France. Julie came 3 years ago for 2 months and ended
up staying 4. She fell in love with this
village and came back soon with her husband.
She founded a association in France and started working with
FaceNepal. They built the class that we
teach in the village. Now she is here
for a new project. They opened a
tailoring workshop for the women of Tharu
village. 30 women are in training
there. With donations they bought 8
sewing machines, rented a studio, and brought a teacher. The women will learn
for 6 months, they have 3 groups every day.
Her friend Daddo came with her to help and I know that Julie is dying to
move to Nepal. She will as soon as she has everything sorted out back in
France.
The power came back on. The kids brought the radio from inside. Playing music and dancing they were going
crazy. After a while grown up joined the
dance with the quick influence of the raksi. They wanted me to dance as well,
but I was way too shy back then, I told them I have to watch first.
Sitting on the mat with the raksi in one
hadn and a cigarette in the other, all of a sudden everything slowed down. I could see children, men and women dancing
in slow motion at first. Then everything
stopped. The dance was hanging in the
air. Motion stood still. The music changed when it reached my ears and
my mind. Fireflies stopped flying,
crickets stopped singing. Wind stopped
blowing. I saw myself from up high. I went up in the sky turning around
myself. I could see my face covered with
sadness. But right in the middle of that
deep sadness I was something shining. It
was something I didn’t exist in me anymore. Something I was certain I lost and
never even bothered to look for anymore.
Here, in a country called Nepal, in a village called Patalahara, among people
unaware of a lot that we call a must , with their small houses, with their electrical
power off and on, with their wells depending on the rain that falls, metal plates, dal, bhat and tharkaries, mats,
2 set of clothes, five stones, bottle
cap toys, cob walls, small TVs, wooden beds,
firewood stoves, goats and their forever smiling beautiful
faces and their belief of the next day will be better than today that warms my
heart, I found something I was missing.
Hope....
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